Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
