I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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