would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
