BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
vagina is talking i cant
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Randomize
