Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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