4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
