Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
