textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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