woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
