I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
