awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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