I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
