He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
