just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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