im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
