Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
