does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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