White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
