Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
