6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
