I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
