He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
