we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
