small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
