I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
