its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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