I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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