Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
