yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
