3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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