He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
