I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He better not be in your backpack
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
