This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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