Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
