hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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