WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
