Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
