I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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