I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
