Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
