pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
