My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
