you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
