I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
