I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize