If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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