I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
