I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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