What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
