I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
