i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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