im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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