Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
