shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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