She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
